Stressed about past relationship affecting current life
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This is reethu, I am 25 years old.. I am working in a private sector for past 4 years.. my current relationship status is single.. my first love was when I was in school, 7th standard his name is Praveen were that time I don't know what love is and he was 6 years elder than me initially I think I am going to get married him some day he is my love like that all but days going he started practicing sexual things like touching my private area kissing me,hugging me even I said no he won't leave me and I don't know how to feel about then I started to hate him and he often visit my home and we got caught by my parents and they scholded me badly and got beaten by them.. I left that relationship and I didn't talked to him after that but he always loves me .. then I again got committed in school with another guy named Gokul we talked for one month and he said he is not interested in love I felt heart broken and cried a lot begged him still he said no then I moved on but he came again into my life and said he loves me so I said okay but I don't want to be in that relationship with him becoz he always fought with me a lot and I can't handle all those things..and becoz of my friends again I loved an another guy named vasu in 11th standard it was 2 years love after school at college 1st year we broke up but I don't felt so much heartbroken becoz I had a some good girls always make me feel happy .. then again I went back to my 1st love Praveen we started talking again for one month but I left him becoz I don't like to talk to him for Soo long but he still loves me ..those college days were on and off with vasu.. then he left me for some reasons I was Soo depressed and unhappy it took so much time to get over from that situation but then again vasu came back to me but we broke up again becoz our parents will not support us to get married but it was amutual break up we don't have any angry or heart break .. now Praveen and Gokul still loves me I felt so guilty I never cheated them but I left them becoz that relationship is not working they are not my type and parents will not accept them.. I initially felt love for them but then it turns into hate .. I hate Praveen for sexual abuse and Gokul for leaving me they are saying that becoz of me their life is over... I literally don't know what to do .. I never had crush on any man after that .. these guilty makes me feel low and unable to concentrate on anything I felt so much pain .. becoz of me their life was wasted and I felt so depressed sometimes I am thinking like why should I live by letting down two peoples.. please help I can't talk about this to anyone..

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