Struggling because of mother

Stress

Anxiety

Depression

Insomnia

Relationship Issues

Struggling because of mother

I am just really tired of feeling emotionally exhausted and drained by my mother. We had a long history, and I almost feel bad to say this out loud, that i hate her, and it shouldn't be like that, right? But my mom is my biggest trigger. She provokes me and brings out all the worst in me. She exhausts me financially and doesn't want me to improve any aspect in my life so she can still control me. I am also frustrated because of my inability to forgive her. She cheated and left my dad and basically destroyed our family when i was very young. And more than a decade later, we fell into a big fight. She provoked me and make it seem like my anger is always displaced. So i told her my deep rooted anger is caused by her. And she blamed her cheating on me! She said she cheated on my father for me to be able to continuen studying?? When she used to leave me alone at house to go on dates with that man. I was only 9 -12 yrs old that time! She pinned the breaking of our family on me! And fast forward to another decade now, she still plays the victim always puts the blame on me. Slight surge on electricity, blames me. Her missing pen, blames me. I know i should just leave her, but she's expert at playing victim and manipulating everyone around her into turning everyone against you. She already did that to my cousin. I am sooo soo exhausted. And i can no longer see myself being relieved when she has shackle on my neck. At my age, i gave up wanting my own family because anyone associated with me, she thinks she still owns. She thinks i owe her all my life because she "gives birth to me" and its only right i give her a whole chunk of my pay, my time, my attention, because its my obligation as her child. I can only think of escape when i disappear. I developed a really bad insomnia because of her, i could not sleep or put my body on to relax statr when she is near (i dont have my own room) . And she even blamed my insomnia on me, like its my fault and that i am not struggling. Like right now, i just don't want to wake up when i fall asleep.

AKmin

4 Answers

Sunshineme

Hey AKmin, Well, You deep down know what to do. So you just need some courage. Her cheating is her cheating and nothing to do with you. What she is doing is clear case of emotional abuse and its best of you if you leave. Ofcourse you can still support her by sending her some money for her expenses. Let her not dictate your life. It will be better if you think of having your family. Once you have your own family you wont tolerate her drama and do whats best for them

Zoya Ahmad

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. I am sure you must be really disturbed because of this. I also agree that you should take a stand for yourself and leave the toxic space. Tell me how things will be easy for you after this will be sorted.

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Thank you Sunshineme. The thing is, she has more money than me. She recently got my father's death claim, she has her own paying job and is even on government pension. But she still makes me pay more than half of the bills in our home, saying my salary is higher than hers. True, i need courage to free myself off her. But with my personal limited resources, and when she sees i have even a little, she exhausts more from me. I just want to cut off the shackle she has on my neck, even if it means cutting my own neck. I dont even want to have my own family anymore because i am so afraid that i was so messed up, too sad, too angry, too broken, that it'll take effect on family if i get my own. I am so used to this "gray area" that anything remotely 'good' is scary and something i hesitate with.

I. understand it's tough. But you are making excuses to be with her. It's better you leave and be happy rather than suffocate each day. The first step is always difficult but after that, all the steps will fall in place. But if you clearly decide to stay with her then your approach will be entirely different. You need to come out of this abuse, even if it means demanding some changes. Things can't go on the same way. Having a family or no of course it's going to be your choice but it will come with circumstances and situations. Right now your situation is toxic for you. Sometimes things just fall into place like having a family or no but some things you need to cave regarding your mom.

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