symptoms of depression, realised during lockdown
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Sometimes, pain is just a small word to explain. It all began with a trigger I don't really remember...it's been years now when I've found peace In crying my heart out alone at night...But after a point, suddenly in quarantine, is when I began craving for love... craving for comfort, for pampering. They say depression, anxiety, etc doesn't always have one reason, so does mine...I can't give one reason for feeling like this.. I can't remember exactly when but I remember what a pain it has been to feel like this, crying so much everyday and literally praying to God to not wake me up the next , crying myself to sleep, losing interest in things that used to have my heart, like art music. Waking up and struggling to get out of bed even to face online lectures, lack of self interest, losing of self confidence, and the worst of all was struggling to sleep...it takes freaking 3-4hourse to call fall asleep and waking up within 4-5hrs and again struggling an hour or half to sleep again. Everyday struggle to face the world became so difficult that giving up felt like a difficult but best option . But lack of guts to end made the struggle worser. Then I saw a ray of hope, an explaination that this pause will make me more matured..and things were improving until another trigger that broke that shattered me again, putting me into this black hole I'm falling into, unable to get out. Because the worst of all was when despite of facing all this, you be the nice one out , be a good listener to everyone around, but when you look up for help, you lose hope each time you try. Now , it's not that all days are difficult, or all mornings are hard, it's just stuck between trying to figure out if things have improved or are the same. Mornings are fresh and good, sometimes in the afternoons the fall begins and then by night it's a let's cry it out alone again to avoid carrying baggage to the next day . Again losing interest in things I had begun to love, death is feeling the better option on a few days still, not daily though... Let's see if it can get any better ever! Thanks for listening, even the hope in me that you might revert makes things lighhter at my end! Thanks and I'll eagerly wait! Bye ;)

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