this is my first time.
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Venting is the most unnatural thing in the world for me. I've tried online therapy before, didn't work. I've tried opening up to a friend, parent before , didn't work. now I'm trying this app, where I stay somewhat anonymous. I'm the eldest of the family, so that means sort of an unrealistic, perfect mindset even if the situation doesn't call for it. but now, I'm stuck in a situation where my brother (he's a year younger than me but amongst the brothers, he's the eldest) refuses to study and earn for the family. and the pressure is on me. and nowadays, my depression, anxiety has gotten the best of me. it has been for 3 years. I have made myself successfully emotionally numb, but I crack sometimes, and I hate myself for it. moreover, my mother has stage 4 cancer, I'm not that close to her but nonetheless she is my mother, I have spent a good childhood with her, it has been acting as a barrier to my studying, and if I don't study, I don't earn. if I don't esrn, I'm a failure.

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