i have almost no memories ,it feels like i forgot everything , hurt and ache is still there tho . i feel empty and scared . i cant look at people while talking to them . scared , always on alert , suspicious . thats how i feel . and when i get hurt i feel so angry at myself that i let myself get hurt that i cut myself . it feels good . i have scars on my arms now . i dont know if they are permanent , but there are deep scars .