Trauma of past
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Hey! I dont know should i even type all this about me or not.. i thought may be i can feel better or get some tips from you guys.. It started in 7th.. i.e when i am 11 years old.. our school is a piece of shit.. my sister had to change her school so did i.. till 4th i was silent, intelligent.. i used to top my class everytime.. then i changed to another school in 5th.. i toped there too.. till 6th i was silent.. from 7th i started to talk a bit.. i was that tyoe of girl who never shouts even a lizard falls on her.. ill just get numb and stuck in that place.. i never scolded anyone and i never bet.. im that innocent.. so proposals started.. boys who were close to me.. together they discussed and proposed me all 4-5 of them.. i was an idiot.. then left in confusion that ill lose their friendship.. now i recognize that they were blackmailing me.. but back then i dont even know what is it. They told me they'll die or i lose their friendship.. and still i rejected being in a dilemma. They started rumors. Tell you guys the whole story is alot to read so ill make it short from now Rumors : that i got raped, i accepted everyones proposal, i shared condoms with the taxi driver, i take 1000 for each person to fuck me, i kissed many guys, im a slut, i shared nudes, and many more. My parents are strict and restricted so even i cant go to my friends house.. so you guys can tell how can i do all thosee??? Even our faculty are assholes, the thing i hate in that school is female staff. No one believed me.. My female friends used to leave me in between boys and jz ran away.. and boys used to touch me.. hold my hands tight so that i cant move.. 3 boys kissed me.. they touched me. No girl no faculty supported me.. and i have no dare to tell my parents.. they'll blame me and they'll restrict me way more. Our sir kissed me near stairs.. and another sir used to touch and oress his hands against mine. One day a guy kissed me all of sudden infront of cctv cam.. and pricipal mam shared that vdo to faculty.. it was clear that i got forced.. but everyone saw me like a slut. She told my mom that i share numbers with boys and my mom believed it.. and another guy called my mom and told what ever he did as i did.. and she believed.. she believed that im a slut i fuck everyone.. i took 1000 from them and allowed them to fuck me.. i blackmaled those guys to love me or ill kill myself.. i hate her for that. I have no friends till 10th.. even girls tried to tear my exam papers or cut my marks when im absent. And in 9th and 10th i went through depression.. i cut my hand.. i used to feel pain physically as it is way more easier to bear the pain than mentally. I found my love in 2019 In 2020 jan 25th i got admitted due to rupture of cysts on the same day of my period.. that pain of cysts is equal to a mild heartattack. Then i got admitted again on april 13th Then again in august I blamed my self.. i hated my life. I called myself as a sick person.. actuallt im a premature baby with pneumonia. So in 2020 i got urine infection, strands in lungs, cyts rupture, stomach infection. Then from 2020 sept to march i was okay.. i learn abt law of attraction and my life was good.. then i got covid on april 1st.. i was still okay.. i got negative in 1 week.. but later.. i didnt sleep for days.. my thoughts weren't in control.. i got depressed for 1 month.. april 14th to may 14th.. then i started working on myself.. the got liver infection as covid side effect in june.. and from that day i was trying to be back to my routine but i cant.. Now im depressed.. i want to reflect my thoughts in a journal to get out of it.. but i cant I get sucidal thoughts I feel empty inside I hate my life I cant feel any love even though i know they love me I over eat or i dont eat I feel tired. I just sleep all day Its not like im sad.. there were days i didnt feel any sadness and did everything i need to do that day.. but all i feel is empty Yes im going to a therapist soon.. but i jz cant wait to start my progress.. my thoughts are unstoppable

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