Hello! Thanks for reaching out. You can utilise this time by focusing it on yourself. Focus on your career, passion, hobby etc. Keep yourself busy. Whenever he comes back you can have an elaborative discussion with him on everything you want to clear out.

hello! the friend's mother messaged me saying, "i I would like to request you to stay a little away from him for a while He is going off track and because of this he can lose his carrier and life If u r really concern for him then Im sure that u will understand what Im trying to say Yk that he doesnt have a father and its really important for him to study and make his future I dont want him to take any wrong decision or action So please for a while let him focus on stuff that is important And try not to contact him from any source He has all the access Unnecessarily it will create a problem"

i have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how to deal with this but i said that ofcourse i understand.

i dont know what to do please help me out i HAVE absolutely no way of contacting him.

before these 4 months

its really very troubling for me and i seriously dont want to talk about this incident with anyone.

Try to maintain some distance, try to focus on your career as well. You anyway don’t have any source to talk to him. He is in hostel, you both have your futures ahead. Try to be on the track if her mother thinks that he is getting distracted, letbit be, give everyone time. In this time you can also figure out that if he feels the same about you or not. You can not be a pushover in someone’s life.

he feels the same for me as i do for him.. ig even more. i dont know if i needa let it be for these 4 months or the rest of the schooling days too

Yeah! You know what to do. Focus on your studies, he is also doing the same. When the time is everything will start to fall in place.

well i am really scared what happens when he comes back.. he came back for a day or two a week back we sorted this out. and then when he went back, his mother called my mom and told my mom about the relation we have atleast the part that she knows and has seen between us. she didnt u know snitch or anything she seems like she is really concerned for his future and she also said she might have to shift if the situation gets out of hand . but i on the other hand wanna help him do so good in his career too and yes maybe sacrifice a bit of our together time to let him study too but i am scared his mother might just take a really very big step before he comes back this time.

also she told my mom that she sent him to the hostel only because of me. i am just scared she could shift as well if she sent him back to his hostel again. i am truely willing to do anything to help him with his career and not make him shift and keep things good between us.. i am afraid she might overreact even if we talk for a bit although she likes me as a person and she is very open minded but i get the feeling that she might just overreact and take a big step towards this

i dealed it with my mum. it is good his mom didnt call my father because if she had then there would have been no way my dad would have let me stayed here and possibly could have sent me to my college hostel too.

as i live in a society there are many people who like being in each others businesses and some uncle ran a rumour around that i was sitting with a boy in a secluded part of the society and that he shooed me away not once but twice. this is not at all true but my dad is pretty convinced that if i spent this much of time with the guy then people will talk and i gave them a chance to talk. although we try to meet in private but that somehow got out. my parents already knew but they heard it from an outsider again and my dad specially was very anguished.

i felt like i dealt with her moms situation and my moms one but then this happened and its already been a week since this happened but i am really worried that his mother might take a big step or maybe if she talks to my dad my dad will create a really very big scene. i dont even know if this boy is doing well where he is right now in his hostel. i am worried about his health and i dont like sharing my relation with other friends not like they discourage me or something but its not good to announce it everywhere. i just feel this is a safe space for me to talk

I am seriously scared about what negative could happen in the future but i also think we will handle it but i have both of these feelingd

i dont know what to do

and... i am very sure that these feelings for each other are not going anywhere and i am just happy that they are not. he feels the same for me even more that i do. i am just scared of these 2 situations that took place recently and there is no way of contacting him right now. how can i make this situation cool off? i wanna be with him but i can not just let him go i will try my best i just want to be with him

kindly do not suggest leaving the person because i do not consider that as an option

Don’t leave that person. You know what you both have is not going to change. What you can do right now is make sure you convince everybody that you’re not in touch with him. Let the situation cool down. His mon will not shift or anything. Stay focused towards your study. He will do the same.

thanks for the advice. i just hope his mom does not take any action. although we are seriously not in touch at the moment cause phones are not allowed in his hostel

also her mother bought a property recently out of this state. this made me scared even more

Shifting is a big thing it’s not easy to relocate just because of this matter. Don’t be scared. You are anyway not in contact with him. Just make everyone believe that you guys are not in touch and you are very focused towards your career.

sure. thanks. i was just scared cause they stay on rent. and they were thinking to shift in a bigger home but idk she seems serious and seemed really worried about shifting

It’s okay! Even if she shift S the bond or feeling you have for each other will not change and that’s what should matter for you. Trust in yourself and keep yourself focused towards your career. Unless you both are on the right and successful path in life no one will support you. You have to prove yourself. Don’t care about such things.

okay thanks i will trying doing all this and help him focus on his career too trying not to make him shift either

is it okay to not feel very happy or very sad? like is it okay to be just neutral?

its like i know this is not the normal me. i know that i tend to feel extreme emotions atleast sometimes in a while but i am not able to feel them. i must tell you that i am away with my sister and her boyfriend to our own hotel away from my mom dad and my pets. i am not able to meet my friend in my society either. we are able to talk on call though. but you know it is always different to meet a close one in person rather than talk on a call. i don't know why i feel this way but i dont feel sad even when i should. like i got to know that 3 people died in my society 2 of which i had some interaction either occasionally or in the past. i didnt feel sad when i got the news that they could not make it. i am not much high on energy these days. i am here in my hotel with my sister and her boyf so ofcourse they stay in the same room and i stay in a different one. i feel awkward if i spend too much time with them like when they or any couple or you know what i mean sit too close or you know even HUG i feel very awkward and i try to exit the situation as soon as possible. so i sit with my sister and his boyf when we have to eat like the dinner breakfast and lunch. her boyf is nice its not like he is not welcoming of me but i just feel like escaping the situation. i like being alone rather than you know, sit with them in a situation

so now my society is a red zone area and my parents have told us to here in the hotel as we will be safer here than in the society. i seriously want to meet my friend in person and i dont know when will i be able to meet him next.

it gives me a sense of calm effect even if i see him from a distance you know it just helps me keep me sane.

these days i dont feel happy or sad you know i do feel angry

like yesterday, i have like 4 days to submit work in college and they have like 20-25 sheets i need to make and i have not made even one. and the teacher has given us a deadline for 10th may. as i open my pouch to see if i have the most important tool needed in my subject i see i do not have it and realise i wont be able to do anything in the subject if i dont have it. i tried finding it nearby but i wasnt able to. so when this happened i just closed all my work and tried sleeping. i was very i dont know what we call it but troubled. at that moment, i was very tired and my eyes were tearing up because i was sleepy but i was not able to sleep even when i tried to. then i started crying like not ALOT but yeah normal amount . and then i realized that i am troubled alot but i am not able to feel that sadness that comes with it

so thiss is when i realized that i usually cry more than what i am doing nowadays.

i u know cry usually on maybe u know when a friend maybe got even a slight rude. but these days i dont even feel bad even when i notice change in tone

i sleep for most part of the day and night. i sleep whenever i want to

does it mean i have issues with me?

i just dont want to feel numb. i want to feel emotions that i am not able to maybe because of the present situation

No, you don’t have any issue. Please don’t feel like that. I can understand, the current situation is making us feel very terrible. But it’s okay you will be fine, things will be back to normal. You will soon be able to meet your friends. I get it meeting people in person has a different essence to it, but right now the only way we can get back to our normal routine is by staying isolated and barely surviving is enough. You are doing great. You are feeling this way because you are overwhelmed, at times we feel too much emotions and sometime nothing at all. Assignments are necessary, you can try to atleast start and try to motivate yourself that this way you are staying busy and focusing on yourself. Soon everything will be alright. Whenever you feel awkward around your sister and her bf you can tell them, i am sure they will understand. Give yourself sometime to accept this. This is really difficult for everyone right now. Trust yourself. I am glad you came and expressed how you felt. This in itself shows how courageous you are. Pick yourself up and make a schedule for yourself and try to follow it, you will have to push yourself but don’t be too harsh. One step at a time. You can inform your respective teacher about the assignment that you are away from home because of this lockdown and unable to find the necessary things.

before we came here, we were at home for like 2 days. my mom was isolated in my room my dad was in his room and my sister and her boyf were in her room so i had no place to talk on call with or you know chill alone. my house helper was sleeping in the drawing room. so i used to talk at night in the drawing room. i was sooo irritated that yes i cried i was soooooo frustrated. but atleast i was able to get a sight of my dear friend. here, in my hotel, i am able to talk whenever i want to but i just feel numb. i dont like sharing all these emotions with anyone but him. i do share a bit with others but j restrict myself from sharing with others kyuki if i do, they will know how and what i feel which i seriously dont wanna show. same goes with my family i dont like showing many emotions infront of them maybe i am shy or maybe i just dont like to

i am scared that this feeling of numbness means i dont feel anything for my friend which is i know for sure is not true.

You can try to write how you feel in a diary.

it is just this one friend in particular that i feel for and i guess i have made you familiar with our bond here. i am seriously barely bothered by anyone else but him or my family

you remember the friend that went to hostel? its the same person and he is back and yes we have no fights and there is not such issue or tension between us and i am sure everything will be better than fine when i meet him. i just dont want to be numb forever.

especially not towards him

about the assignments, i sit and work when i feel like it and i listen to songs and i watch series. i put face masks, i make hairstyles but then one moment i am vibing with the song like nothing really makes me happy from within like sometimes this friend of mine does these days but like i laugh and i cry but even then i feel numb. even in that very moment i feel numb. like my eyes teared up a slight typing all this but still i feel nothing. i know it made me sad talkin about all this but i still feel numb

and yesterday when i burst up into tears when i tried sleeping in the afternoon, i just wanted to punch the walls but i dont have the courage to do that i wanted to you FEEL some pain

i dont know why i cried whether it was frustration or sadness but i just wanted to feel the pain

Dear, you are away from everyone. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s just a phase, it will pass. Give yourself positive affirmations.

Nd sometimes when something serious happens or maybe even when something small happens and i know i am bothered in a negative way with it, i just get these random visuals of me taking my eyeballs out, and falling from the stairs, like you know have nail bruises on my cheeks like i see myself doing that to myself. i see myself pulling my hair and doing all that and sometimes i feel like i can do it

not the part where i pluck my eyeballs out ofcourse not but where i scratch the hell out of my cheek and make it a mark. punch so hard on the wall that i fracture my knuckles. sometimes maybe stab myself a bit.

i did pull my hair alot like once two years back when i had a breakup. i was sooooooo affected by it like the person was sitting right next to me and i just started pulling my hair out vigourously

nd ofcourse he stopped me yeah

i also once scratched my cheek so bad i made a bruise like 2 and a half years back and i still have that bruise on my cheek due to the same person i pulled my hair for

and this one time, i was so hurt because of the same persons brother being so disrespectful and mean to me that i burst into tears and i was legit finding a brick to uk hurt myself with

i was not able to hurt myself i was thinking of smashing my head and then i thought i wouldnt be able to do it so i thought of breakin my foot with it, atleast hurt myself and bleed alot

i wasnt able to do that either but i was trying the hell outta me to do kt

i pretty much never got attached to people after that for long until this friend of mine and i started building the bond we have now

This is really disturbing. I am sure it must be difficult to trust someone after that. I am glad this person is helping you in the best possible way like being emotionally available for you.

yes he has seriously helped me alot. like tbh if i am happy jitna bhi aaj ki date pr its just because of this person and when we didnt have this bond i used to cry about the breakup and stuff

alot. i have had crushes on alot of people in these 2 years but seriously no one made me feel calm.

i am just sooo grateful and happy because of this person

and tbh he is veryy amazing. i just dont wanna lose such a person in my life. that is why i am scared if this numb feeling doesnt go away

This person will not go away, you will also be okay. Give yourself some time. Start with one step at a time.

like, how do i start

You can start by initiating a conversation, telling the person how you feel.

sure

i have shared every bit of my feeling with him

he supports me and says we will deal with it together

That’s great. That means he understands. You should be grateful. Don’t stress over yourself, this is a phase it will go, focus on spending quality time over phone or video calls with him. Be each other’s support system. Assure him that you are also going to stick by him through thick and thin.

Ahh we keep assuring each other all the time and it feels nice. He does understand me very well. And it's not like i am totally you know bothered by this stuff i am a bit and we do spend quality time together. We don't think the other person will leave or any such thing. I was just worried because inspite of having such an amazing person, i still feel numb and I can't help it

and believe me, i am soooo very grateful to have such a person in my life and i show my gratefulnes by showing affection like making cards or editing a cute video of us or get him a flower or something or when i have the chance to, i show up and then yes i try to give him all the love i havr

am i being ungrateful? i mean does it seem like i am being ungrateful for him?

i uk am sharing this because i dont wanna lose him at all i am soo concerned on how to not fuck things up that is the reason i needed to talk here with you. i feel like i will mess everything between us, so even if there is a slight change in my behaviour, i just u know feel pathetic that i am messin everything up

I won’t turn any thing bad trust me and yourself too. That’s great that you are putting in efforts. Show him your vulnerable side too. Talk about your insecurities and ask him about his insecurities try to know each other’s every version.

As you said in the earlier message that I should be grateful for him so by that do you mean that I am not grateful for having him by my side. I am like an open book to him and he is an open book to me too. We know about each other's insecurities and I am pretty much open and I express all of my emotions and almost every emotion that I come across in my day. he has very opened up with me as compared to anyone else in his life.

we both also know each other's vulnerable side too

Ok in the message you typed earlier you say that I should be grateful for him and I thought that you mean that I am not grateful so this is why I am asking you that am I grateful for having him or not. What I think is that I am grateful to have him around but I just want to know it from your sidckdjfndn

Side*

I didn’t mean that you’re ungrateful for him. You are definitely grateful i can sense that. When you express everything and spend quality time with each other, know each other soo well then what makes you insecure?

I am just scared of losing him and messing things up

That won’t happen don’t worry. Keeping putting in efforts however you can and keep expressing how you feel.

i usually mess things up so i think theres a great chance i will mess it up

Trust yourself and keep telling yourself that you cherish this so it won’t be screwed. Try not to think negatively about it.

i do try dude but this just is in the back of my mind like always

not alwags but yes i do think ill be the one screwin it

Hey !! So i wanted to talk about something.... Like, you know the whole story isiliye I'll be commenting on the same story so that you get a background of it.. so, like i told you before i have a certain person i really love ❤️ the one who was sent to hostel and

Hey !! So i wanted to talk about something.... Like, you know the whole story isiliye I'll be commenting on the same story so that you get a background of it.. so, like i told you before i have a certain person i really love ❤️ the one who was sent to hostel and

This certain someone also loves me ❤️ we hangout for like 4-5 hours everyday on an avg.. now the thing is like i told you, i have an ex.. jiski vjh se it was seriously very hard for me to move on because i used to be hurt too much like, it took me almost an year and a half to you know, move on even after starting to love this one... So now I am totally over that ex of mine and the thing is we all are in the same group ... Like most of my friends know each other because we all live in the same Society and more or less have the exact same group or atleast mutuals. So my friend is also a friend of my ex and knows about everything since he witnessed me being hurt after the relationship.. he's my bestfriend since like 3 years or so

So, now we understand each other ofcourse there is always scope for improvement..Ab the issue for me is i sometimes get these dreams where i see my bestfriend is there with me i am hanging out but the face is of my ex and tbh i have told this to my bestf and he feels we can see anything in a dream but having such a dream makes me wanna forget it before waking up but ofcourse that's not in my hand... Now, i also get some dreams sometimes where i see I'm hanging out with my ex.. or sometimes like i am telling him sorry i can't be with you because i love my bestf now and stuff.. ofcourse this dream makes me proud but the thing is, the other dreams are not something i want.. i literally have 0 feelings for that ex of mine.. but i sometimes think of why i get these dreams and tbh i question myself everytime i get these.. they're seriously something i don't want...Now, my bestf, ofcourse understands that it was a DREAM.. and you can have any dream and legit i do have a funny amount of dreams which are ew to think of sometimes... So i go with the fact that this might actually not mean something but it troubles me when i get them

So this was an issue i was wanting to talk about some time back and i get these dreams occasionally like i get these for some days and then don't get it and then can get them anyday again..

So this was issue no.1... what's the issue no.2 is that ki i feel a bit numb sometimes like if I don't cry because of how much i love my bestf and get all emotional over it, i feel like k don't love him enough AND DAMN I DON'T KNOW WHY I THINK OF THIS BUT i just feel when you cry for someone you care for them, so sometimes i feel good bout crying because it makes me feel like i care and love enough...ofc he understands the fact that everyone feels numb once a while and it's fine to feel numb.. but it just makes a problem for me.everytime.i.do feel numb i feel like i am mean n shit. These are the issues and things i feel for myself and none of these are felt by my bestf for me and he's all supportive and understanding.. ❤️ thankss to god that he is... I don't know i just like being hurt by him because it makes me feel like yes he gets the love he deserves and nothing less.

Yeah we do say mean things to each other like sometimes by mistake like kabhi naraazgi mai boldia like nothing TOO MEAN but just a little amount of mean and yeah we fight sometimes but there's not a thing i don't love about him ofc i do feel bad when he's rude sometimes and it makes me feel off for some time but at the end of the day, this doesn't change anything and i am soooooo glad it doesn't make any changes to us..

Sometimes when HE'S away for a trip with his family I feel numb like for example bahut din baat nahin Hui so I just feel so numb ki like it doesn't feel good it feels like an i don't know WHY JATA HAI TAB HAM LOG ALMOST DIN MEIN EK BAR BAAT KARTE HAIN 5 TO 10 MINUTES 15 MIN Mujhe itna Numb kyon hota hai when he is not around and it's not like I enjoy myself feeling alone or away from him of course I don't. When he's not there around me I just I just do everything like I just go out with my mum I Meet other people like as much as I can to uk use the time in between not like i don't get enough time but because I just want the time to pass fast and I don't know how it does pass faster.m. pata nahin I just feel I should be crying when he's away on a trip I should miss him i should be like maybe I should write long text ki Kitna I miss you and stuff but I don't know you know I just don't feel normal when I don't feel this way

This stuff really makes you think that there is an issue with me and I would seriously like addressing it Today I was wondering and I discuss this with them that mujhe lagta hai ki agar main main Khush rahungi to vi bhi Khush rahega and I just feel like it's my mistake that I feel numb and get such dreams .. I don't wanna be sad over small stuff I don't want him to feel bad or be in a vad mood because of me I came to you I could I just hope that I would improve on my behaviour and cause lesser sad moments... I seriously love him and wanna work on my behaviour or whatever this sad part is..

So like i mentioned 3 stuffs 1 was the dream part other one was the numb and third one is i get sad sometimes and i don't wanna be sad because he feels a bit annoyed maybe ki mai ab kyu hogayi sad ab firsee ya whatever... Like he tries to understand but that's what i think

You have been thinking about your best friend a lot that’s why you’re getting such dreams and when you start to spend time with one particular you tend to miss them when they are gone. Try to analyse what exactly you have for him then tell him how you feel. Every human feels sad, it’s okay. He must have also felt sad at some point of time in life.

Yeah like, tbh i do think about my bestf i am just concerned about not hurting him in any way... So this makes me think alot.. yes the dream part does bother me sometimes but as long as it isn't something like something romantic or sumthin i do feel okay soon dream k bad. I m just scared because i don't wanna see any such romantic dream that I haven't yet ... Ofcourse..

And it's been more than 2 years since the breakup and tbh i stopped missing that ex around half an year or an year ago...

I try to analyse but i don't understand what it is with me.. yes ofcourse everyone feels sad.. but i just don't wanna feel a lot of sad because maybe then my bestf wouldn't value my sadness that much..

Hey i was expecting something more from your side.. something that could help me in the three issues. Reply asap

You mentioned that you don’t want to be sad because he gets pissed. Whereas not being sad should be your personal preference.

Yes i mean it affects both of us. But it concerns me more that i might just piss him maybe or you know make him used to it so he doesn't value me.. :)

I don't know i just get overly sad sometimes and sometimes there isn't even a proper reason for it.. the more i think I'd piss him, the more pressure i put on me to not act sad. Like, tbh i have no issue with him but when I'm sad i just think i might develop an issue if i remain sad n shit.. when i think this, it amplifies even more

But these sad events are out of the blue and happens kabi b .. it's tbh the first time i have felt sad over no good reason in such a long while