unable to cope with a break up

Depression

Relationship Issues

I had a breakup 3 months ago and had a terrible phase of depression following that. Now, though I am better, I still feel so bad. The reason for breaking up was just that my ex felt he didn't feel any emotional connection and couldn't really share stuff whe he was upset. He decided this in just 2-3 weeks and in those 2-3 weeks I myself was worried about various other things. I didn't feel like talking to people or do anything about our breaking relationship. I just went into a state where I would accept anything that happens. But after the breakup I really feel so bad. In fact, I tried to communicate with him, but didn't get any proper reply except some cold ones. I don't even know whether I hate him for breaking my trust and leaving when I was emotionally so vulnerable or want things to be as it was earlier. Also, I don't feel the same comfort while talking with any of my friends. I just feel so terribly lonely always as if noone really understands me. Even things I did to make me happy doesn't work now. I am really confused and worried what to do.

Daffodil

6 Answers

Zoya Ahmad

Hey! We are glad that you reached out. Feeling of loneliness is very natural after a break up. All that you’re feeling must reallu difficult to deal with but you have to accept it, it helps in moving forward and having a personal growth. You should try to see this break up as something your partner was honest about you guys broke up on a truthful note, had it stretched longer it might have hurt more and what’s the point of watering a dead flower. You deserve to be in a relationship where you both share mutual feelings of love, care and respect. Why don’t you try maintaining a journal? If you’re not comfortable sharing your thoughts with friends at times we feel that way, in such case maintaining a journal helps in venting your emotions and thoughts, Also you can try engaging in other productive activities of your choice. Do you have anything coming up anytime soon that you need to plan for?

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I try to do productive activities but it seems that now, I don't get the enjoyment I used to get earlier. I have my studies and all which I have to do now, but nothing as such that I need to plan for. I understand that he was truthful about his feelings, but somehow I feel deciding this in just 2-3 weeks when I was also not in a state to communicate properly was not fair. He didn't even tell me once that he was feeling that or try to resolve the issue. And it is really bad that I centred my happiness around that person, but I couldn't help it.

crushedRhino6

I think you both should take your time. If the reason behind your breakup lies around those 2-3 weeks and that he knows about how vulnerable you were at that time, he will come back with a realisation. If he doesn't come back regardless of knowing for the fact that you weren't at your best at that time, that alone is not the reason possibly. And it doesn't at all mean you were not good enough. This is the truth that you need to come to terms with first. It's hard moving on I know but keeping the truth in mind, it will eventually happen. And you deserve to be happy. This phase will pass. Just pamper yourself, love yourself the way you expect to be loved, and everything around will start making you happy. It is ok missing them, but also accept it, and you go girl, everything's gonna make sense one day. See the good in yourself, once you start seeing how good as a person you are, you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't see that in you.

It’s your life try to now focus on things that are productive it might not give you pleasure once you do it it will eventually give you a sense of accomplishment. Do you think you still have few things that you want to talk to your ex partner about? If yes, then you can casually call him and calmy tell him whatever you have in your heart and have a closure on a good note. Otherwise focus on the positives that you can do in the current situation, accept what has happened and try to move ahead.

Thanks a lot for all the kind words.. Yes, I will do things which will benefit me. I talked about this in messages as he was too uncomfortable to meet me or call me. He responded in a really cold manner, as if being a bit defensive and avoidant. So, I don't think any more closure can be expected from him. If someone is not ready to talk or listen, I can't make them. But yeah, I have told what I felt. I will move on surely. Thanks a lot :)

We are glad that you are moving ahead for yourself. You will flourish. We are always here to help you.

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