Take one situation at a time. Talk to your parents first and tell them that you don't like their controlling nature

It feels like they understand that they are controlling me and i dont like it but still they do it because its their duty as a parent. Even my break up happened somehoe because of them..they didn't like the guy i chose to marry because of caste issues i was still firm on my decision but my boyfriend and i started having fights during those days and finally left..my parents know that i am emotionally not ready for marriage because of this break up but still without my concent they are registering my name on matrimonial site and manipulating me to meet guys

I am sure this must be overwhelming for you, I think you should talk to them that this is not something that you want to happen. Or maybe you need some time to process this break up. Take some time before you actually be ready for this. Try to explain this to anyone of your parent who you are close to. They can further help you in this whole matrimonial site registration thing.

Would you like to talk on discord if it helps share the burden?

Yes. talking will help me

I don't know..but i am having mix feelings..i hate my ex boyfriend because he didn't feel like putting efforts into saving our relationship..when misunderstandings happened he didn't make efforst to discuss and clear the misunderstandings...me who never never get angry got angry on that day..so instead of understanding my pain he blamed me for my anger and just broke up so easily..i begged him to stay but he gave me very bad treatment..broke all the ties and right away started dating someome else...i really really don't understand how one can change this quickly..he was the one who used to pamper me..love me..then what went wrong?

And I hate myself because i still have hopes that some day he will understand his mistake and come back to me

Do you really get back in the space where you were disrespected?

Something from inside is telling me to never go back to that person..but then my mind starts telling me that i am just focusing on bad things and i need to focus on good things he did to me...i am just soooooo confused

Actually he is not in my life and dating someone else so basically i don't even have choice at this moment whether i want to be him or not..but still the war between mind and heart is going on ALL DAY