I can understand what you are trying to say here. I somehow feel like that too. I go through motivational videos and what not but it just happens again and again. I am like good for a day and then something bad happens...

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. Has there been any event that has triggered this? How long has it been?

Hi Firstly u aren't alone so many ppl also go through similar things and all i can say is do something which will make u happy give urself a break work for a goal and keep urself ás busy as possible and for sleep put on some subliminal it helped me maybe it will help u and try to think positive Sending lots of love

Well i don't know exactly which event triggered me becoz there are many things as a girl u know how badly we are treated always being told that i shouldn't be born or if they new i was a girl they would have killed me before i was born then how we are treated outside being harassed and have to listen all kinds of comments about yourself . I was always left alone ....i always tried so hard to please my parents before they say anything i always tried to do the only things they liked if they were talking among them selfes that they don't like girls doing makeup and all i never did it even if i liked it however they want i always tried to mold myself accordingly. I studied hard still i think that wasn't enough even if someone bullied me in school i never complained so that they don't have to come to school and think of me as a nuisance. Still they always beat me some times on little mistakes and sometimes due to their own misunderstanding . I was getting tired of being scolded and beaten . I tried to commit suicide many times i was in 5th to 6 th class to i didn't knew what's right and wrong and their was no one to understand and comfort me nor their was someone to tell me right from wrong . Becoz of those poison i have taken many times or if god punished me for doing wrong i got skin disease. I have to take medicines for that for yrs and still i am taking it . the medicines were so strong that i became fat. well bruised of being beaten was not enough so i think god given me scars and stretch marks all over my body . When i was in class 10th i somehow took courage and told my mom if i am wrong or make any mistake please tell me i will change that day i have pour all my heart to her she told me i just do it for you i understood but still... . But unfortunately she didn't understood me what I'm going through ... next day i was scolded and beaten so badly for a tiny bit mistake i don't know how i somehow manage to go down stairs to go to school when i couldn't even able to lift my finger . I really don't know how i given my exam becoz that day my tears wouldn't stop for the first time i cried in front of people . My classmates asked me i told them it's becoz we are moving to new class and they told me i shouldn't cry and left i cried and cried i don't know how i have managed to stop those tears or even if they really did stopped.... that day i lost my soul and closed my heart my emotions completely. I became silent and completely distanced myself from everyone. If someone needs me talk to me i just replied and helped .After that day i don't remember how i lived being beaten and heartbroken and dying everyday again and again .those 4 years i don't remember how they have easly passed away when i have shut myself completely living like a dead person.....after 4 yrs i have gone to study out of my city and lived alone thier i met someonline frnds in a perfect piano . We talked normally and most of the time i busy myself by reading novels comics and animes and somehow little by little i started to open myself again but most of the time i spend my time in virtual world becoz comics and animes are not reality i was a rank holder but becoz whenever i give myself free time or a time to think every thing which happened to me in my past make me depressed and made me to give up on myself . So i relied on comics but i want to overcome this depression and start a new life becoz i know at some point that becoz reality is differnt and comic world is differnt it can never become reality i laugh when they laugh i cry when they cry i becoz sad if they story is going in tragic way . I want to live normally like anyone else . What should i do ?..i don't know .... i tried but i can't control my emotions anymore nor can i control not to get depressed. After opening myself again i reached out for help towards my parent's and my Frnds but there is no one to help me and no understood me . If i tell them i am depressed they tell me it's becoz i have got everything and so...if i reach out for help and tell them why have they beaten me becoz of them i can't live normally any more they tell me it's only becoz of my own benefits so that my future will be good . They don't beat me anymore but ya they do scold me not as much as before but becoz of my emotions even a little things hurt me greatly now.... i am really tired at some point i want to give up on myself.... but at some point i don't becoz I'm not coward why can't i live normally like anyone else....

I don't know what i should do to overcome all this and be like a normal person and study hard to get a good job . No one understands me if i tell my parent's they only start lecturing me so i stopped myself from opening my heart again and again to them. becoz i understood they can never be able to help me overcome from this darkness, this depression. But i really wish to live happily.i tried but i can't seem to overcome and forget everything .... I will be really grateful if someone could help me to overcome all this...... Thank you everyone for your kindness and giving me time and listening to me......

I am sure that this must be hurting you soo much. Do you think we can connect over a session?