Hello everyone Hope everyone is doing fine. I had a breakup and I'm going through hell. The girl I was in love with was divorced. But I didn't bother about it but she lied that she had to marry him because he raped her and forced her to marry. When I found out she begged me not to go and she will prove her worth with everything she's got. But I started doubting everything about her. We used to fight every other day and it was hell I told her I can't be in relationship with her and blocked her several times as she had impulsive behaviour and didn't understand some common sense things. But she always begged me for days and everytime we patched up. And then once I decided to end it and didn't respond to her at all meanwhile I met a girl who was already my friend but we just had a date and then never met.after some time I couldn't control myself and contacted my old gf and we patched up she used to take my fb insta id and also my call list she found out that I had spoken to a girl and she asked me whether I cheated I said I was not in relationship with u I just talked she didn't believe me and started saying things so I cried all night and decided in the morning that if she can't trust me then this won't work so I told her that it's better we stay separated only but she refused and said we'll be together I agreed then again same fights every other day and she spoke really bad about my mother and then apologized abused my sister and apologized and spoke about my father and apologized in different times. I had lost respect for her and told her if u can show me that u can be normal then we'll be in relationship so she just stayed in contact but still fought all the time after few months I saw that she stopped abusing and I had started abusing her whenever we had a fight so I said let's stop this and let's give it a last and good shot and entered relationship again it was going good after few days I heard that one of her friend is offering her financial help to buy a phone which she would repay in a day or two but I got mad and started shouting that why should he give u money it should be me or you who should be buying it she got pissed and left me Now I am completely broken I called her up and said I will be a slave if u want I can't live and I'll do anything but she said it's over I had accepted her flaws many many times but now she says she can't be with me because I took her for granted and that I should go be with the girl I spoke to when I broke up with her. Im unable to cope. I know I can't be happy completely if I be with her but still my heart is aching and I've completely lost myself and having suicidal thoughts and guilt as I talked to her harshly all the time and blocked her so many times. I didn't have the guts to leave her so I stayed all the time when she requested now if I request my inner voice says I'll suffer in the future but I can't live also like this.