unable to put thoughts into perspective
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I feel like I'm destroying myself and I don't know how to stop myself. I stay in bed all day, and feel sad about nothing and everything. I feel like a failure without trying, I join courses and I take up things to prove to myself that I'm trying but in the end it's like I know I can't do anything at all. The thought of just doing anything at all makes me feel heavy and my vision clouds and my head hurts. My walls cave in and feel too small. My breath is always shallow and k have this constant fear that I'm disappointing everyone around me every second of the day that I'm breathing and not being able to achieve anything worthwhile. I feel pain but everyone's trying so hard. I should be able to push myself but the idea of putting effort into anything feels like my head is underwater and my voice is drowning out. I want to achieve remarkable things yet I can't even bring myself to get up and brush my teeth some days. I'm constantly in pain but I know all I can share with others is the physical pain of all this results in and not the mental anguish I've been going through. I don't have friends and frankly who would want to be friends with me?? I'm a loser, all I do is keep my head down and cry and weep and blame others and I never even try to socialize. I can't talk to anyone about anything. My mom hates me so much and keeps telling me I should try and I know I should yet all I see is black all I feel is overwhelming amounts of anxiety realising that every moment I'm living in not working towards something I'm being useless. No one wants someone who's useless. I look around and I realize I've never achieved anything. I've been a suboptimal person with huge huge goals and I know I have expectations tied to me yet I'm here unable to breathe and I think maybe it's better if u stop breathing after all.

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