okay so one thing....i went to therapy once ....and he asked me if i was sucidal......and i just jumped and said. ....lack of self reflection ig...or maybe i was too focused on having trust issue....and keeping the tear in from when he asked me that. but anyways I have never did it...like picked a cutter and looked at my nerves....but u know i think it....if someone has to be abducted or die in a mass shooting let it be me. (i can't do it myself because it would make my parents really sad so i can't.) but you know thinking about a spear coming for my neck....calms me down