Am I Overreacting??

Stress

Anxiety

Am I Overreacting? I am a male, aged 23, currently a Graduate Student. In my batch, there is a guy whom I want to be close friend with. 1-I understand that eventually everyone will go away but this particular friend is dropping out of the course because of financial issues. I am quite sad and upset that I will lose a good friend, academic partner too early. I mean going away after 5 years(Duration of PhD) was okay, but he is quitting at 1.5 years which is earlier than expected. 2-I desperately don't want him to go. I want to be with him as he was closest to me. I can't think about spending my PhD without him. 3-I behave like kid when I am with my friends. Friends know I am over-sensitive to friendship. 4-I never have been so close to any girl till now because I know I won't get a good girlfriend so I am not even thinking about it. But I have strong feelings for bestfriend. 5-if someone you know leaves, will you also feel extremely bad or am I being overdependent emotionally on him?

anxiouspup4

36 Answers

David6124

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@david what?

How do you always manage to split it into points whenever ure writing bro. It's not notes for exam. N like I said yesterday give it time. Give him his space too. He's free to choose what he wants to do.

Yes. You are overreacting a lil bit

@david, I understand that I cannot force one to be my bestfriend. But since last few days he has been interacting with me. he had called me and his behaviour is like he is interested/glad to meet me. so I hope it's a genuine friendship and fake friendship from his side.

@david, I know its not an exam. Actually I am asking 5 different questions to everyone. a small answer to each would help me a lot

As u said, his circumstances doesn't allow him to continue PhD. So he has to leave. It's normal for you to feel bad about him leaving, but he has to go for solving his problems right, you can't solve it for him right?

You're telling his behavior changed in few days? But just yesterday you told us that he never initiated conversation with you in whatsapp n all so how ure saying he started from few days.

Sr_raheja

look you do feel bad....its normal... see life goes on....no matter what...what had to happen after 5 years has happened now.... if he's your best friend you can either help him with his issues or be long-distance friends. Though you will feel insecure at times and you might not be able to spend a lot of time together...but if your friendship is true it will last irrespective of the distance. I have a friend who shifted to a different state and it's been 8 years....... and we are still great friends. So don't be anxious. It's okay to feel like that.

@david, I do understand that. I never asked him to not go. I respect his decision and I don't want to be a burden on him. As a friend I don't want to burden him emotionally if I am a kind/friendly to him. But still when he will leave, I will feel bad. i know I cannot stop him but I will miss him a lot😭

N did you ask him these questions that youre asking here? like why ure not initiating chat n all? if so then that could be why he changed

So just calm down. And be with him normally without overthinking and ruining what you have right now. Sometimes overthinking just ruins whatever you have and you'd be just left with guilt of not realizing that sooner. So don't make the same mistake I did.

@David, Right. Even I was a bit angry on him when he came back to campus on 3rd July but didn't contact me and lied that he will come to meet me in my hostel but didn't show up. i stopped initiating conversations with him. however on 11th he asked me how am I doing and if everything is fine at my side. Also asked me if I have shifted to new hostel. later called me and met me in my room. I thought it was a one time. but yesterday morning he messaged me on WhatsApp about chocolate that I gifted him and also in the evening when I we were going for party he greeted me hello, even though he was far. I also greeted him back

@david, as you told me we cannot force one to be close to us and we cannot make someone feel for us the way we do. So I DID NOT ask him about not initiating chat etc. It just happened I did nothing about it. I also feel it would be creepy and childish to ask such questions directly.

Bro maybe he had his reasons to not meet you then, maybe he wasn't in a mood to meet you, he mightve been in struggling with something in his head. And you stopped talking just coz he didn't come to ur room when he came. Did u think the possibility that u might have left him by himself when he needed you? did you ask him whether he's fine during those 8 days?

@david, I am keeping your points in mind. I am not overacting infront of him. as per your opinion I am behaving just like normal friends would do. I am fine with it.

@David, No I didn't ask him what were you doing during those 8 days. On 11th when he came to my room with other friends I was not in mood to meet/talk anyone. I was doing my own unpacking/shifting so I was behaving as a normal friend would do.

So if you asked nothing n he is starting conversation with you normally then what's the issue right now? He's talking now. He's messaging. He's waving u hi. He's interacting properly. But now ure doubting his friendship. It's okay to have doubts. Ure kinda obsessed with him, and him alone, have you ever thought about that?

@david, Yes I understand that he might have some work. but I was angry because he didn't infom me on WhatsApp when I was waiting for him to come and I skipped my gym because I was waiting.

Both of you are friends. So just enjoy that feeling

We all skip gym from time to time for the people close to us or for work. I had to skip two days last week. And in return all I got was being shouted at one day. But did I stop doing that ? No. I'd still do it if need arise. And you want lose your muscle mass from just one day off. So stop nitpicking the small stuff.

And ha I might be coming off a lil straight forward and rude today, cause I'm really not in a good mood. I can't help it. I'm in a mood to punch wall like crazy but my purple knuckles ain't gonna get better if I do it.

@david, Yes I believe we are friends. but I want someone to be very very close friend. By that I mean someone upon whom I can trust. someone I can have lots of fun with, someone who also values us like that. someone who stays in contact and puts atleast some effort. I have many friends here, many people I know from my hostel, many from Gym, Many from Department, Many Friends od Friends are now friends. But I want someone special because I never had anyone. i was a complete introvert and I believe if someone stays with us who shares same interest, hobbies We can improve together. He also belongs to my hometown, we go to gym together, we have same Research Interest. we have lots of other things simmilar

@david, I also feel I am overreacting or overthinking. I understand you are angry, maybe because I am being too sensitive but that's how I am with this aspect of life and that's why I am here. but I have no issues with that. I just came here because I wanted few insights.

yes. but you cannot force someone to be ur special someone. that connection the other person also should feel. It's not something to be forced upon. Maybe u felt it with him thats upto u, maybe he didn't (or did) that's upto him. it's a lot like love. sometimes we love someone a lot but they won't love us the same way even though both are similar in many ways, you will feel u wont find another like that. they'll leave after sometime and we'll meet someone new and they'd be sometimes more than what you expect them to be. what you always wanted. someone who understands you, someone who'd be there for you, someone who ud be willing to throw ur life away for. so give it time. if he's ur someone he'll stay. else.. ull meet that someone one day

@David, I am quite happy that he is messaging and interacting properly. but it could be just a fluke. it is possible that he is not doing because he is close friend but maybe just behaving just like a normal friend.

@david, I see. that's true. However I am doing PhD and its getting lonely. He was very close and I expected him to stay longer. Expectations hurts. I cannot stop but still. I will get someone but who knows how long it will take. He was special because we were batchmates, classmates, gymbros, lots of thing simmilar

Either way he's a friend right. Close friends are not built over night. It takes time. They have to go through many situations together having each other's back when the other needs. And trust that each can lean on the other if they needs. Can share all their secrets that not even their gf or parents know of. It's something that takes time. N u guys just started recently. N u expect close friendship to sprout overnight? Yes it can sprout overnight. But have you guys been in a situation for that? No right. it's just normal everyday for u guys. so obviously it will take time.e

I know PhD is long. If ure doing in India it sure as hell takes a lot of time. Idk about CS field but in our biology field it takes more than 5 usually. One of my seniors here have been doing from 2012. It's been 10 freaking years n it's still not complete. Even as I type this, he's still in lab.

But you will meet people over time a lot. Your jnrs, seniors, other college students n all. if he ain't ur one, ur real one might be one of them

And ure at 23, and already pursuing PhD. it's not a bad thing. I'm 25. I'm still working as a JRF, I rejected the PhD offer from my centre cause I didn't want to do PhD in this field. Hell I never planned to do PhD but right now it's somehow in my plans. N I don't wanna do it here either.

@David, I understand.

If you did, then sleep right now. Tmrw is a working day right. For someone who works out, 8hrs sleep is also important for recovery time. And be normal with him, don't over think. I'll sleep too. Have to wake up early. I was planning on sleeping at 12 but didn't feel like leaving u like that. So I gotta intake some caffeine tmrw before workout. I hope I don't start building caffeine tolerance since I'm taking nearly every day these days due to being tired.

@David, Thanks for being there. I am sure you know more about fitness more than me(because I started working out 4 months ago, when 'M' came) so I cannot suggest anything about caffeine. Also I am behaving normally with him. Don't worry about that. I also believe being creepy won't help.

LonerandDown

well look into it, may be there's a way out of the financial crisis, obviously you'd have to take consent from yo mate but yes to feel strongly is a strength of its own sort

Is life re

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