there is a lot of experiences from my childhood that still haunts me even now . these stay as the only reason for me to behave socially awkward and puts others around me in a slight uncomfortableness without me meaning to be mean . all the relationships so far in my life have been short lived and now i feel daunted by anyone who comes close to me or become attached, I guess I have commitment issues as i have observed, i did a self analysis and found that i am bipolar too. I don't know if it applies still to me . but i have been meaning to consult a professional but i couldn't because of my unemployment. please help me. i have thought many times about my death . infact most of the day goes by thinking who would even care about me and i often caught myself thinking about my death.