Its a mental thing forsure. You might have heard a lot of comments about you due to being overweight. And purging gives you pleasure or else you keep thinking that you ate a lot and that's going to make you gain weight. This constant criticism can affect and lead to where you are. But you need to control it. Dont stress about losing weight. Don't take it as a diet, instead, bring a lifestyle change. Try to change your eating habits and once your brain registers that what you ate wasn't bad then you won't wanna through up. Its easier said than done. But only you can control it.If you think this is affecting your health then reach out for professional help.

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. I am sure this must be difficult for you. The foremost thing to help yourself get out of it is, you will need to maintain a healthy relationship with food. Try to slowly increase the portion and follow a healthy lifestyle. That would help you more. Try to focus on being healthy, not thin. Accept yourself the way you are. You are beautiful, don’t try to fit in the standards.