Be yourself and start communicating how you feel. We always keep others perspective first and in any friendship it should be mutual. I would suggest just be yourself and start talking to people.

Hey! It is so courageous of you to reach out. I can understand not having people around to share your thoughts with must be difficult. You mentioned that you stopped getting close to people because they will also leave you? Give your 100% in a relationship and don’t expect someone to do the same. That is is who are. If you are facing difficulty in communicating with your friends, talk to them express how you feel what is bothering you and ask them to co operate. Friends do understand :). Have you tried giving efforts in maintaining a new friendship? Try doing that. We often don’t feel comfortable expressing with the one we are very close to because of our fears or distrust etc. In your case you are afraid that they wil also leave or not understand then what’s the point. It’s okay if you feel so. It might be your personality to keep things to yourself. They are better ways of expressing that you can do for yourself. Like you start writing a journal or maintain a dairy.