Hi Aroy, thank you for sharing your issue with us. To begin with, all relationships go through challenges. Even the ones you share with your parents, siblings, or colleagues. Human beings have end number of emotions and we sometimes can be complicated creatures. It is definitely not a smooth ride as always but I understand where you're coming from. I see you hold yourself responsible for his distant behaviour and from the little I can understand from what you've shared, it could be the case where he's just fed up from within. We all experience that. The fact that he has not broken up with you makes me feel like there's a hope. He wants to be there but seems he like needs his space and time. It could also be that probably he's not upset with you. We tend to be too critical of ourselves. Maybe he has something else going on which he hasn't shared with you. If I were you, I'd drop him a message just apologizing for my unruly behavior in the past. And saying that 'I love you and I wish to fix things. Whenever you're ready for it, let's do this together and I promise I'll be more understanding this time and you're so important to me' Give him some space to clear off his mind. Let him know you're there for him whenever he's ready to have a conversation and check up on him if there could be anything else troubling him. Please get back to us and share what happens further. We'd love to make this situation better for you, cheers!

Aroy, I can see that you are deeply attached to your relationship and really want to nurture it. Initial attraction to someone can sustain commitment only till a certain time. For it to flourish over time, conscious effort needs to be made. You mention that your own negativity has contributed to a great extent to this distance. Can you elaborate on what you mean by this?

@hansa_shaunik - So I will start from yeh beginning. I met him ( Raj) for the first time in 2008, and I had a boyfriend at that time.. I never told him that I have a boyfriend. Before going on a date with him...I broke up with my previous boyfriend. But I felt I was too good for Raj.. so I left him over a petty issue. We met in between 2008 and 2015 as friends and nothing else. Finally in 2017 we got into a relationship...and I was desperate to settle down, so I made it my mission to get married to him. I met his family but due to my horoscope they rejected me. I broke down at that point. For me that was the biggest setback in my life.. I was torn apart. And all my frustration, demands, assurance, and every possible worst emotions was projected towards Raj because I blamed him that his parents rejected me. Almost the entire 2019 went in fights, crying, blaming, insecurities, finding fault in everything... Eventually from Nov 2019, he started getting distant from me by asking space. Asking space from me was another rejection for me. I fought for his attention and he pulled away. I always had problem with him coz he is an introvert and doesn't do things my way. It went to the point where he started fearing me, coz he knew I will mess up his mental sanity. And now situation is..I'm still not married to him..and he has become so distant that even after trying I am unable to cover the distance. He is not happy in this relationship. and the guilt is killing me..I am not able to lose him and I m unable to see him so unhappy.

Aroy, I very sorry to hear this. It seems like his family's reaction to your horoscope really hurt you. When they made the rejection, how did Raj respond to it? What has his take been on his parents reaction to this relationship?

Initially Raj said that he will convince his parents but he couldn't...they are adamant. He told me that he will go against his parents , but I m not able to trust him because he never speaks about marriage. Initially I use to have conversations and fights about him not taking a decision. But slowly I left talking about it because he used to feel that I'm blaming him and he considered himself a failure. I m really unsure about what is going on in his mind and I'm also tired. Sometimes I feel he will not get married to me? I'm so confused.

So our anger is a very important tool in life. We feel anger when we have needs that are left unmet. We feel anger when we feel our sense of self being hurt. In that sense anger is what makes us stand up for ourselves. The problem is that we express that anger either by blowing up, accusing and fighting. Or we express it by shutting down and minimising it. We either persecute others with our anger or ourselves. It seems from your post that you have moved from one end to the other. Yet it continues to bother you because you have not addressed the need behind it. What you really want, what's driving you is the need for him to fight for you, for your relationship. How he fights for it now will determine your future with him. His actions, or lack of are hurting you. Now given all of this, what are your options? How do you take care of your needs and your sense of self? For once, don't depend on what HE can or can't do. Ask yourself that given what YOU need for your future, what can you do?

I am so confused if I should leave him or just have some faith and patience. Because from last two years we are trying to make his parents approve of our relationship. Now the situation has reached to that level where our relationship has become so bitter because of the constant fights about his parents rejecting me. I do not keep if I should even think about marriage when our relationship is so vulnerable right now.. we hardly even speak.. because everything turns into a fight. I have never been so confused in my life. Also I fear that I Am 31 years old. Who will even have an arranged marriage or marry me? I have lot of self doubt. Also my family blames me for not getting married yet. I am so tired of all this

I hear a combination of self doubt, shame (of not being "eligible enough") and fear of the future playing here. In all of this it can become very difficult to make a decision. Ideally, your partner's family agrees to the marriage. Worst case they don't. In such a situation,what are you and your partner willing to do? Part ways? Marry regardless? I would suggest that you calmly discuss both these and try to see if you both can be on the same page. If however you both are not able to be on the same page on this matter, that will give you an indication of where this relationship is going. Because there is so much uncertainty around the future of your relationship, there are fights where you may be projecting your fears onto each other. Try and openly have a discussion on what are your options. What are you both willing to do for this relationship. Of yoh can be on the same page, the wait will both be worth it. If however you cannot come to the same page, it may help to move on. As far as your family is concerned and what they are saying, it may help to seek professional help in learning better ways to deal with such blame. I hope this helps.