Hey, I'm so sorry for you and I know how hard it can be. But why the guilt?

cause I caught with an accident and she had came to save me and I was saved but she couldn't. isn't it my fault at all.

It's fine, I repeat it's fine. At least you tried. Now, think. What if things were reversed. What if you died, instead of her. Would you want her to feel guilty and get such suicidal thoughts? Or would you want her to remember you positively and do well in life, without being disturbed mentally?

I don't know. i have given biggest pain to her father. also to my parents. just because of my irresponsibility. I couldn't take care of my wife and that's the fact. and i really don't think I have any right to live or breath

It wasn't in your hands, I know it's hard for you to accept, but let's be honest, death is something that's in no one's hands. It isn't your irresponsibility. Take a deep breath and calm down. and think. Rationally. It's okay if you still don't accept this. It'll take time but eventually you'll get better.

but you know what I don't want to get get better. i am good here in this situation... what if with time I started enjoying life started living life without her...which I don't deserve anything without her. It had been just seven moths to our marriage and feels like complete life . and I believe thats what life was ..now am just breathing and waiting desperately for my last day. you know what again, I can't dare to kill my self..but If I caught with any accident or any mishap I will stop breathing happily happily forever. last year she had fast on this day (haritalika) for my long life .. few months back when I was going through her personal diary, I read her favourite hero was her would be husband. and I am failed as her hero!!!!!! that's the naked truth