I hate pretending to be happy, to be perfect. I know I am useless idiot who is really good at nothing. Thanks to people around me, I realized it very clearly and admit myself, I am an useless one. But I can't help it. I hate letting people know my weakness and look down on me. So, I have no other ways but to pretend to appear how I am today, who looks perfect from outside yet inside, good for nothing useless coward. I don't know how long should I still need to pretend. I just want everything to end peacefully one day. I know only on that day, I can be fully happy without caring anything for the first and last time in my life. If there's a way to reach that day without any discomfort, it's okay for me anytime to encounter that day. Now, I am looking forward to that day.