not trustable partner causing stress in relationship

Relationship Issues

MY girlfriend and I met almost two and a half years ago. we've been dating since then but after the first year of our relationship she moved to another city I've always supported her no matter what but a lot of things have changed. I know that change us the only constant thing but I don't know if it's good change or bad because we've grown so much together we've helped each other mentally and emotionally. we do love each other but after she moved out she cheated on me thrice but she only consider it as twice. It's been a year since it all happened. I had my first semester exams going on while all of this happened and as soon as I found out about the first time I booked my tickets to meet her but I had to wait for almost 20 days before I could go cause I couldn't miss these exams and within the spam of 20 days I got cheated on twice again. She's over it and we've never been able to talk about it properly cause she doesn't like it nor does she let me talk to those people. The worst part is that the people she cheated on my with are still her friends. All of them are very close and spend days and nights in each others rented flats. I hate their group I hate everybody. I hate that city. This has had a huge impact on my mental health even though it's been a year I still get nightmares about this.

Windmaster

12 Answers

Sunshineme

Hey windmaster, I agree that this might have affected you mentally. Her cheating once or thrice its the same. How can someone trust again on that person. I think you should fiirst talk to her about this even if she doesnt like it. You have to put across that it needs to change or she must do something to make sure this shudnt happen again. How did you find about cheating?

Sahitya MG

Hi windmaster. Thankyou for reaching out. Betrayal of trust can be hard to handle. Try to ask yourself are you happy bin your relationship. Are you seeking what you are investing? Also try to convey to your partner that you are not okay with it. Listen to her views and work accordingly

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avid_reader

Hi. It sounds like you are in a difficult position here. I really think it would be a good idea to let your partner know how you feel about the whole issue. Ask them why they are reluctant to talk about it. Just seems that there is a need to clear the air regarding whatever happened- let them know how it is impacting you mentally.

As I mentioned before it's been a year we have kind of spoken about it and come to a point where nothing will ever happen again. She confessed them to me and I know that she was guilty. It is very hard and the worst part of this is that until last month I couldn't get therapy because I was a minor and my parents don't really understand why I need to get help but now I can't afford a therapist but I did try once but the therapist never booked my session. At times I feel like giving up on everything and just isolating myself but that affects my physical health and life gets harder. She's not someone who like to talk about things that are done and dust and I don't want to disrespect that. It's not just that I fear that she might break up with me if I keep bring it up. Thank you for responding anon I thought I'll go unheard and ignored again:)

These things are actually irrelevant when we're together (like in person) Even though we're in the same city right now we don't meet often cause she stays off city limits and my parents don't let me travel that far too often and she doesn't come this because she's busy with college work. I've been abused since I was 7 and all the truma keeps adding up because I hate men and she has cheated on me with men and her male friends keep hitting on her i've never stopped her from wearing stuff or going out with the guys she has cheated on my to clubs spend all night with them and then stay back at their place but it's just that i get hurt because she doesn't assure me that nothing will happen again. We have spoken about it but I just feel insecured.

It seems you are under a lot of pain. Try taking one on one session with the experts to work on the roots of the concern and it may help you to get some clarity.

@Sahitya MG Yes I will soon

GREYTALKS

Hi @windmaster, I see my journey in you brother. My relationship was 5 years old. She got placed in banglr and I moved to bnglr to support her as it is her first time moving out of home place. After 3 years I got a better job and I moved to my hometown. She started cheating on me with her ex boyfriend and schoolmates who hit on her ( she allows ). I suffered alot and had multiple suicide attempt failures, until I found the personality disorder called narcissism. Narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD) is the disorder with which she is actually suffering. They are extremely selfish and there is no empathy left in them. I researched lot about it and found a good community which helped me compare things and move on with no contact. It took me 8 months to be where I am today. For you my frnd, dont just wait on their day to respond or repent. If they consider your emotions they wouldn't have done it in first place. So get ready to move on and be brave. Trust me everyday is gonna he progressive but you have to start to be there

Ishayari

Hi!! I am sorry you had to go through this much . After reading your case I can say one thing , love can happen with anyone but the relationship which gets success is the one based on mutual understanding and respect. Your partner is not ypuf partner first , he/shr is your friend and friendship is based upon trust , respect and more other features. Try to give it a thought and take the next step..I hope you will ge fine...

Hari

Duh11

You deserve better bro❤ love yourself ❤

solidDingo8

I know how it feels to be attached to someone with such intensity brother. It is very very difficult to make our mind think of leaving that person but I will suggest you to start working out spend time in the gym make your personality. See for a nice girl who is humble and compatible. I think your life will be better. Much more positivity to you bro. Good luck.

i am an immature person so don't judge me i am mental patient

Frustrating

help me please

how do I change for the better?