I was talking to my boyfriends brother cuz I was bored and I asked him if it was weird that I didnt like sex and kissing and shit and he said yes and asked why I said I was too traumatized and didnt trust anyone. And said that I was forced into my first kiss and he laughed and said it's just a kiss and I said that there was more than that and I didnt wanna talk about it and then he said if I really didnt wanna I wouldnt have brought it up and then I started to cry cuz all the memories just came piling up and I told him to just drop it but he wouldnt so I blocked him. I just wanna end it. I wanna off myself I cant handle it anymore. These memories need to get out of my head and they wont go away I hate myself for what happened. Is it my fault that it all happened? Am I the reason it happened? Am I to blame?