unable to cope with a break up

Depression

Relationship Issues

Study

I had an eight-year relationship with my boyfriend. Everything was going well, I was happy. Despite difficulties, we even managed our long distance relationship when I went out of my hometown for higher studies. My boyfriend and his family really adored me for how I changed him, made him dedicated to his career, made him a better person. However, his brother and mother forced him to break up with me since I do not belong to their caste. This has hit me badly because I cannot bear whatever he has done with me, whatever rude things he had spelled on me. I had never imagined that this relationship could take such a turn. I have always done good for him. What am I getting in return today? I have started doubting myself. I have a lot of people around me but I still feel lonely. I have started moving on from this, but somehow things said by him hit my mind again and again. I was the one who made him dedicated towards his career and today I feel so shattered because I cannot not focus on my career. All the zeal and enthusiasm inside me had died. I try a lot to focus on my studies, but I cannot. I have always been fearful about my career and was always dedicated to it. At this point of time, I have no inner voice calling out to me to focus and study. I have my exams in few days, but I am not even bothered about the same. I am not even scared as to what if I score less, despite me being a topper, always craving to succeed in all possible ways. The tables have turned, he got dedicated to his career and he left me. I am unable to focus on my career. What can be done in such a situation?

shreyaahuja

8 Answers

I have also increased my activities on phone. I spend a lot of time, almost all day on phone, scrolling Instagram, looking out for people to talk to me.

Sunshineme

Hi, I am sorry to hear what you going through. But if he said mean things and left you then he wasnt worth it. You have your life and career that you have worked for, dont let it go because of him. World will not stop for him, you will take some time to heal. But focus on yourself

how to focus on oneself when you know that there was completely no fault on your part in everything that happened and despite this you are suffering every minute? how can one focus on oneself to heal?

hansa_shaunik

Break ups are painful. I sense a great deal of betrayal. That betrayal is painful. After 8 years of being with someone, they have left you. It is only natural that you should feel this pain. 1. Please give yourself time to grieve. It's a long relationship. It will take time to heal. 2. The pain at this point is so intense, it has taken away your ability to see your future and work towards it. Please try to visualise what your future self will be like. Ask yourself what can you do for her today, however little. 3. I also imagine that this has given a huge blow to your self worth. Please take this time to exercise a great deal of self love and compassion. You are not defined by who all accept you, you're not defined by your ex and his family. You're not defined by your marks and academic performance either. Most importantly you are not defined by your caste. 4. As you navigate through the next several years, continue to remind yourself of all points mentioned above. As you will need reminders again and again, when the pain gets too much. 5. Please surround yourself with fily and friends who care for you and are supportive. I know this is painful and feels never ending. Bit time will heal you. Whatever their reasons may be for rejecting you, it does not define you. You are more than that. Take time to discover that. Stay strong. Things will get better.

how to love oneself?

Hi Shreya, You need to ask yourself, what you want out of your life. You have been through a lot and there is no denying in that but now it has happened and we cannot change that. So what should be your next steps to come out of it. Ask yourself what you have to do to move on. Find your hobbies and passion and work around them to focus on yourself. As I said earlier also, it is not easy but you have to start somewhere.

Shreyaahuja, think of it like this, if you loved someone how would you treat them? 1. Would you encourage them to challenge and reach their goals? 2. Would you support them and offer compassion and empathy when they feel down and small? 3. Would you be forgiving and supportive of they make mistakes? 4. Would you see them as more than their job, their academic performance, their achievements? In other words would your love for them be unconditional? Try and treat yourself that way. Here are some things that may help you do that: 1. Gratitude journaling. Write at least 3 things that your are grateful for everyday. 2. Avoid negative self talk. Observe when you are starting to speak negatively about yourself. When you notice that you are starting to define yourself a certain way, eg; "I'm stupid" or "I'm a bad person" or "I can't get anything right" that's bring that to a stop. 3. Engage in positive self talk. Encourage yourself. Focus on action that can be improved rather than criticizing yourself when you make mistakes. 5. Take care of yourself. Take care of your health. Set boundaries. 6. Remind yourself each day that you are worthy, REGARDLESS of what othersight say or do. These are just some things you can start with. I hope this helps.

how to control our mind? because i think that's one of the way to move on, i.e. to think less. whenever i do anything for example, whenever i am studying, these things come in my mind and hit me again and again and thereby i lose my focus from studies which further lead to less concentration and less efficiency. i don't know why i have started using phone more these days, i have friends and family and i kind of look for them to talk to me all day.

i am an immature person so don't judge me i am mental patient

Frustrating

help me please

how do I change for the better?