Hi everyone I don't know what I feel My stomach is in a knot. So it all started when I fell in love with this guy when I was 17. In my eyes he was everything I wanted and more I loved him so much and I still do. We spent most of our free time together but the first problem was that he had a girlfriend who he has a child with. Anyway I knew he had a child and I didn't think it was a problem little did I know he was still in a relationship with his girlfriend at that time. After I found out he was in a relationship I stayed with him. We would sneak around and see each other in private that carried on for a year and a half. After that he left his girlfriend for me. Our relationship was great on some days and on others it was hell we fought a lot coz of my "cheating" behavior in the past. We continued dating until I fell pregnant last year. When we found out I was pregnant we already weren't in a good place in our relationship. He stopped caring slowly everyday and started treating me badly. He kept finding reasons to make me cry while I was pregnant. After I gave birth our daughter got sick he was more upset about my past cheating behavior than our sick baby who was in the hospital 🥺 I begged him to support me in this hard time but he couldn't he was too deep in his feelings. Months later we tried fixing things but we always ended up back to square one. we even started being intimate and I later found out I had an STI. He wasn't cheating I guess it was my body reacting badly to intimacy. Then we stopped talking because I was upset. He stole from my parents house twice the first time money I was saving for our daughter the second time a cellphone my father wasn't using but he kept coz he had important contacts on it. We kept on not talking to each other and then sometimes talking to each other for months. But s few weeks ago he stopped working. He hasn't come to see our daughter since she was 4 months old now she's 7 months old and I asked him why he doesn't make the effort to see our daughter he made excuses blaming me and my family for why he hasn't seen our daughter. That day we argued and I broke up with him. But now I'm worried about him. I've always been there for him and now he has isolated himself nobody know how's he doing and if he's alive or if he still stays at his place. I am scared of what could happen to him. I am angry with him but I love him even after everything. Sometimes I feel this real pain in my chest and it hurts badly. I feel panic attacks when I think of him. I haven't been able to get over him and I really don't know what's wrong with me or if he's okay wherever he is